So.. who’s to blame?

This post is part of the contest Who is to be blamed? on

spicy saturday

This part was a part of Blog addas spicy saturday picks

A status update i saw on Facebook  said –

“My daughter turns 17 today. If she were in Delhi, she’d probably be a target for lecherous men. In the US, where she is, some gun-toting madman, perhaps. Can we live on the moon, please?”

Good idea , I thought- send all men to Mars and women to Venus.. At least we’d live in peace!!

And in reply to that, I saw comments saying “Thank God, living in Delhi, I have 2 sons and no daughter … It’s a shame on Delhi culture… Culture is responsible for all this”.  Another says –  “The horror lasted for 40 minutes with the girl …  handover all 4 men to public for 4 minutes … justice will be done… else Govt.. will take 4 years to decide on justice and after 4 years they will be let free”

Another post I saw by someone else says – “If at all GOD existed, this wouldn’t have happened” followed by “Bhagwan par se vishwas uth gaya”(I’ve lost my faith in GOD! )

That set me thinking for a while… where did GOD come into the picture? All we do is blame someone  for what’s happening out there instead of thinking of what can be done to  set things right… and what we call GOD is probably the only one who can’t defend himself/ herself … So go ahead ..  It’s a buy one get one free offer- God has  given you a life – blame him/her for  all your flaws free of cost!!

Handing the rapists over to the public for 4 minutes would get justice ? Really? What justice are we talking about? Although this public awakening is for good on one hand, all of us know that this sort of protest will not happen for every rape that happens in the country. Within a week of the gang rape that  caused (is still causing)  so much hue and cry, so many more rapes have happened (take a look at some such cases at here and  here ) . Is the “public” ready to handle all cases of rape like this in 4 minutes? Lets all leave our jobs and go out with guns to kill rapists , what say?

Stoning these men in public or getting them capital punishment would only help achieve a sort of temporary satisfaction, as would increased police patrolling or increased security- that a wrong act has been rightly punished.  But wouldn’t that be temporary? Tomorrow, if anyone who has political clout were to rape a girl, all of us know that her poor cries would fall into deaf ears or she herself, along with family would be put to “sleep”  even before any one gets to know.

On wondering why men rape, I found an article by the Times of India (click  here to read it)  and was surprised. It suggests that even in India,  rape is very rare in societies whose cultures have taught their men to live harmoniously with women and provide them with greater autonomy – Meghalaya, Nagaland, Darjeeling, and mostly other north-east regions. Doesn’t this suggest that reduction of such rapes requires us to live in a society that can learn to exist with women in harmony from the north east part of India first ?

India, as most of us know, is a plethora of varied cultures. Unfortunately ,most(if not all) of the religions and traditions that live in India   treat the man as “superior” in most ways.   Whether it’s about “selling off” your little girl to a man at her wedding, either   in the name of tradition/rituals/ dowry ,or her being  equally educated  as her brothers, but not allowed to work like they are, or even worse, her not being educated at all since the parents earn enough to educate their son, but not their daughter.. In all aspects, our men are accepted as superior , since they are supposed to be the “bread earners” of the family . The biggest example I can think of to quote here is the big fat Indian wedding .  As girls or women, all or most of us know that , our parents have started saving to get us happily married off since we were born.  Whether it be jewellery, money , silver ware , or anything else, our parents start saving very early in life to get us married off. Although proud to have us as their daughters, they also accepted and lived with the fact that, although their little daughter is equally educated and is earning as much as any man who marries her,  they, as her parents,  are inferior to a man and his parents when it comes to  the wedding of their little princess. Just like educating you or fulfilling your little whims and fancies as a child is a pleasure to them , they say “ its a pleasure to arrange for the world to watch my little daughter get married off”. According to them, it’s their duty/pleasure.  It could be that they do it out of love. Does that mean , then, that an Indian man’s parents don’t love him at all ? Of course they do! But.. If you WANT to feel inferior to them, they will just treat you that way ! 🙂 As the old adage goes- “You are what you think you are “!

If women and men have to live harmoniously in India, then we ideally should first start teaching our children how to do so- The only way to do it is to remove this feeling of  “ I’m a girl , I shouldn’t  be doing these things ”. Once your little girl reaches marriageable age, demand that the guy she gets married to(if hes as well off as you are) and  his parents also share your expenses –  A few families have already started doing this . Teach your little girls an art of self-defence like karate instead of asking her to not wear shorts or anything else she feels comfortable in. The process is gradual, and can only be accomplished over a period of few years- Capital punishment wont achieve anything  but death of a so called criminal!

This post is part of the contest Who is to be blamed? on

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